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Interpersonal Business Communications   How Do You Know You Are Understood? by Beverly Inman-Ebel, Talk Listen Communicate     How Do You Know You Are Understood? By Beverly Inman-Ebel So often when someone is talking to us, we might shake our head in agreement and turn to leave because it is obvious that we have received the message.  That scenario is like the receiver who sees the ball coming right to him, so he turns to see how he is going to run with it, thus, dropping the pass. In football, you get four chances to make ten yards.  In life, you may only get one chance to get it right. Your brain is constantly scanning information and sorting it into similar categories.  This occurs without conscious thought.  It is very similar to hearing the first three notes of a song and guessing the title. When conversations matter, slow down the process.  So what if you think you already know the song?  Let the person sing.  You may find out you were wrong. Here are some tips to slow you down: ·         Keep your lips together and breathe through your nose.  It is very hard to interrupt this way. ·         Place your body in a relaxed position.  If sitting this could be leaning back in the chair with feet apart and your elbows on the arms of the chair.  Standing could be feet shoulder width apart with one thumb tucked into a pants pocket. ·         Using your own words, rather than the ones you just heard, repeat back your understanding of what the person said. Slowing down only takes a minute or even thirty seconds in some cases.  It usually takes longer than that to correct a misunderstanding.  If you don’t have time to listen patiently, don’t listen at all.  Explain to the individual that you cannot listen now and quickly get a time scheduled when you can listen.  It is far better to postpone listening than to half-listen. Understanding what another person means is the key to connecting with them.  Most words have at least five different definitions in the dictionary.  Which one is the speaker using?  If you think it can’t make much of a difference, think again. Verbs and adjectives carry a lot of emotion in the message.  To confirm understanding, reword those verbs and adjectives to ensure you’ve got it.  For instance, if a person says to you, “We need a big sale now!” and then goes on talking, you could confirm, “So, our department will meet our target goal by selling $100,000 by the end of this week, right?” Whenever another person is speaking in long or complicated messages, re-state what you understood them to say, before you take action.  This requires a little extra time on your part, yet it can save a big misunderstanding and the time it takes to correct it.  When you let the other person know what you have heard and they agree, you know you have understood.  And just as important, the other person knows that you have taken the time to understand. Beverly Inman-Ebel is the CEO of TLC, Talk Listen Communicate, LLC in Chattanooga.  She and her staff provide communication training in groups or individually.  www.talklisten.com  423-622-TALK (8255) Top   Expectation And The Bottom Line by Beverly Inman-Ebel, TLC In my travels around this great country talking with thousands of women business owners, many revealed to me that they started their own business because they were not advancing as quickly as they wanted.  Others replied that they wanted to do it their way and simply be their own boss. The Center for Women’s Business Research (NY,NY) released statistics this month on average revenues per firm by gender and race of ownership based upon the 2002 Economic Census. Average Revenues per Firm by Gender and Race of Ownership, 2002 Economic Census $154,582  White women average revenues $565,829  White men average revenues $158,010  Asian women average revenues $366,087  Asian men average revenues $75,219   Native Hawaiian and Other Pacific Islander women average revenues $201,687  Native Hawaiian and Other Pacific Islander men average revenues $73,612   American Indian and Alaska Native women average revenues $152,349  American Indian and Alaska Native men average revenues $65,216  Hispanic and Latino women average revenues $182,441 Hispanic and Latino men average revenues $37,787  Black and African American women average revenues $107,720 Black and African American men average revenues ®Center for Women’s Business Research 2006 One statistic is consistent: women business owners earn less than men business owners.  I am confident there are multiple reasons for this.  I want to concentrate on one: expectation. How often do we get what we expect?  The question was not asking if we get what we want.  Expectation is the anticipation of an event.  To anticipate it we must have put thought into it.  By thinking through this event, we have created a plan.  If we truly expect it to happen, we will put action into that plan. One of the best ways to increase our expectation is to talk positively to ourselves.  I bet you encourage your best friend, sister, daughter, and mother.  Don’t stop there!  Give yourself a daily pep talk.  Do this the first thirty minutes in the morning and the last thirty minutes at night because this is when our left hemisphere of our brain is shut down.  The right hemisphere is open to suggestion and will believe whatever you tell it, so be sure to tell it positive stuff.  These are commonly known as affirmations. There are rules to follow to ensure success with affirmations.  First, use the first tense such as “I”.  You have control and influence over your own right hemisphere so direct the message to you.  Second, use the present tense such as “I am” rather than, “I will.”  You want your brain to work on it in the here and now rather than some unspecific time in the future.  Finally, use only positive words in the affirmation.  Instead of saying, “I will not get tense during the sales call” say, “I am relaxed during the sales call.” Once you have created three-to-five affirmations, attached mental movies to them.  Close your eyes and see them happening.  Include sound, and your other senses of touch, taste, and smell.  Visualize yourself reaching your sales goals.  Hear your presentations that you make to prospects.  Hold a new product that you have created. Now attach these mental movies with a positive emotion, such as happiness, confidence, and pride.  Your affirmation and visualization have now been recorded in your brain as a memory.  The more positive memories we have, the more likely we are to keep going when the going gets tough. Perhaps you do not want your business to earn more money.  If you do, remember these positive steps of 1) make affirmations; 2) visualize; and 3) attach a positive emotion.  I believe you can be anything you set your mind to be. Beverly Inman-Ebel is the CEO of TLC, Talk Listen Communicate, LLC.  More information can be found at www.talklisten.com or 888-BECAUSE. __________ Let Your Voice Be Heard by Beverly Inman-Ebel Majority women-owned firms have continued to grow at nearly two times the rate of all firms since 1997.  These women-owned firms have also seen growth in employees and sales: the 10.4 million firms owned by women are employing 12.8 million people and generating 1.9 trillion dollars in sales.  We are shaping this economy Sisters. What will help your company to grow in 2007?  Look in the mirror and you will find your best asset – you!  Get passionate about your business.  No one can sell your products or service quite like you can.  Get the phone ringing by making some calls. 38% of a first impression is formed by the voice, and if you are making contacts over the phone, this percentage is even higher.  What kind of impression does your voice make?  Here are some pointers to help you to make the best impressions: .        Remember that when we get nervous, we tend to talk faster.  Slow down your rate.  You can help lower your rate when you are speaking over the phone by slowly moving your arm as you speak.  The movement of the larger muscle (your arm) will set the rhythm or rate of your vocal folds. ·         Insert pauses.  A pause is a one-to-three second non-verbalization.  Pauses are particularly helpful after you ask a question.  This gives the person time to think and makes sure you don’t answer your own question.  Pause before you give a complex answer.  It is amazing what you brain can do with the extra three seconds.  When you have made a particular point that you want the listener to think about, is another good time to pause. ·         Lower your pitch when you need to sound more serious.  Women have thinner vocal folds than men.  The thinner fold causes our voices to sound high and excitable.  An easy way to find your correct pitch is to say, “uh-huh” in a relaxed voice.  The “huh” is the pitch that is best for you.  Compare this pitch to the one you use when you are about to complete a sale. ·         Listen to a speaker that you admire.  Notice their speech patterns and strive to emulate them. ·         Record your voice.  The easiest way to do this is to change your outgoing voice message on your phone each day.  If you want to sound excited, speak a little faster and raise your pitch on verbs and adjectives.  If you want to sound sincere, lower the pitch on these words. Most of all, be yourself – your best self.  Know that you can paint a picture with your voice and that picture can be how your potential customer visualizes your business. Beverly Inman-Ebel is the CEO of TLC, Talk Listen Communicate, LLC.  She is the former national president of National Association of Women Business Owners and was named the 2004-2006 International Woman Entrepreneur by FCEM.  For further information about Beverly Iman-Ebel click her, or contact bie@talklisten.com.